* Happy 3 Years Here, Darly Boxman *

THIS ENTRY INCLUDES BRIEF MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDER AND EMETAPHOBIA.

HI DIARY. IT'S BEEN A HOT MINUTE, HASN'T IT?

IN ALL HONESTY, I JUST HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING MOMENTOUS TO WRITE ABOUT IN REGARDS TO OUR RELATIONSHIP... AND HAVEN'T HAD THE MOTIVATION TO WRITE ANY SILLY LITTLE GENERAL LOVEY DOVEY UPDATES. @__@. DARLY'S BIRTHDAY WAS ABOUT A WEEK AGO, AND WE HAD A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER THEN. ACCORDING TO CANON, HE'D BE 56. ALRIGHT, GRANDPA!

BUT I'D BE STUPID IF I DIDN'T SIT DOWN TO WRITE FOR THIS. FOR THOSE UNAWARE, TODAY IS ME AND MISTER DARLY'S 3 YEARS TOGETHER (... IN THIS UNIVERSE, AT LEAST). IT'S A DATE THAT SNUCK UP ON ME, AND RAPIDLY SO. SO MUCH SO THAT I WAS ACTUALLY RATHER PANICKED WHEN I REALIZED I'D BEEN TOO SCATTERBRAINED TO ADEQUATELY PREPARE. OF COURSE I'D PLANNED ON IT, TOLD MYSELF "I CAN DO THAT TOMORROW", ETC, ETC... BUT IN THE END, IT PROVED MOSTLY FUTILE. AND THEN CAME YESTERDAY, THE DAY BEFORE OUR BIG DAY. I WOKE UP INSANELY SICK... AND I MEAN 'SLUMPED BESIDE THE TOILET REPEATEDLY HURLING NOTHING BUT STOMACH ACID' SICK. RECENTLY, I'VE HAD AN UNFORTUNATE ANOREXIA RELAPSE, LEADING TO THE LACK OF SUBSTANCE IN MY STOMACH. AND THEN, TO ADD ONTO THE ALREADY IMMENSE PILE OF SHEER GARBAGE I WAS DEALING WITH, I WAS HIT WITH THE REALIZATION THAT MY DUMBASS HAD OVERSPENT AND WASN'T GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PURCHASE ANOTHER COMMISSION LIKE I'D BEEN PLANNING. AND, SINCE I HADN'T HAD THE ENERGY TO DRUM UP A SKETCH TO GIVE TO THE ARTIST I'D ALREADY PAID, THAT WASN'T GOING TO BE DONE ON TIME EITHER. AND WITHOUT THE MOTIVATION TO DRAW ANYTHING MYSELF, I WAS MORTIFIED. I'D DONE NOTHING. I COULDN'T AFFORD TO DO ANYTHING.

SUCH DISTRESS CAME FOR ONE REASON THAT'S PROBABLY VERY OBVIOUS: I DON'T WANT DARLY TO FEEL UNLOVED, OR FORGOTTEN ABOUT. THAT IS PERHAPS MY WORST FEAR. I FELT ENTIRELY INCAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING, BECAUSE I'D BEEN SO DEMOTIVATED OVER THE PAST WEEK OR TWO THAT PREPARATION HADN'T COME AS NATURALLY AS IT USUALLY DID. IT WAS AWFUL. I DON'T THINK I CAN QUITE EMPHASIZE JUST HOW HORRIBLE I FELT. AND SUCH A SPIRAL IS A DANGEROUS ONE TO RAPIDLY APPROACH.

IT'S WITH A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF GRATITUDE THAT I TELL YOU THIS, THANKFULLY, DID NOT END AS AWFULLY AS POOR SICK, TIRED, DISHEVELED HOONIS WAS EXPECTING IT TO. AFTER FINALLY MUSTERING THE STRENGTH TO TALK TO ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, ERIK (WHO IS ALSO THE ARTIST I WAS UNABLE TO PAY), NOT ONLY WAS SOME OF MY PANIC AND UNEASE LESSENED... BUT HE HAD THE SHEER KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY TO OFFER TO DRAW SOMETHING FOR US FOR FREE. I HADN'T EVEN BROUGHT UP THE FACT THAT WAS WHERE PART OF MY STRUGGLE LIED YET. I CAN ONLY HOPE I ADEQUATELY EXPRESSED MY THANKFULNESS FOR SUCH A SELFLESS ACTION, ESPECIALLY DURING THE INTENSE BOUT OF AWFUL SENSATION THAT I WAS OVERCOME WITH. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, IF HE HAPPENS TO BE HERE READING THIS: THANK YOU SO, SO, SO, SO MUCH SCOUT. I'M TEARING UP AGAIN WHILE WRITING THIS. I TRULY DO NOT DESERVE YOU

AND, EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT AS MUCH AS I WOULD'VE LIKED TO DO TODAY... I THINK, AND HOPE, MISTER DARLY WOULD BE ENTIRELY UNDERSTANDING. I AM STILL VERY, VERY SICK. NOT PUKING MY GUTS ANYMORE, BUT I'VE HAD PRETTY CONSISTENT FEVERS, STOMACH ACHES AND CONGESTION. HE'D LIKE TO DOTE ON ME... THOUGH PART OF ME THINKS HE'D BE DENYING IT THE ENTIRE TIME, EHEHE. I KNOW HE'S NOT KEEN ON EXPRESSING AFFECTION, BUT HIS CARE FOR THOSE AROUND HIM IS EVIDENT ANYWAY... EVEN THROUGH THE SHEER AMOUNT OF MANIC ENERGY HE MANAGES TO EXUDE. GOD, I LOVE YOU, DARLY BOXMAN.

HE'LL BE WITH ME ON THE COMPUTER ALL DAY, IN PAPER DOLL FORM. I HAD AN EDIBLE AND AM JUST LOOKING FORWARD TO... RELAXING, WITH HIM. SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, INDIRECTLY. WE MIGHT WATCH SOME SHITTY ROMCOM TOGETHER OR HIS CHOICE OF WEIRDLY NICHE AND DISGUSTING HORROR FILM. HALLOWEEN IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING, AFTER ALL. BEFITTING OF SUCH A FREAKY COUPLE TO HAVE THEIR ANNIVERSARY IN OCTOBER.

I'M SO, SO, SO THANKFUL TO HAVE FOUND YOU AGAIN, DARLY BOXMAN. THROUGH TIME AND TRAUMA AND OH-SO-HORRIFYING REALITY. THERE HAS BEEN ONE CONSTANT IN MY EXISTANCE HERE, AND IT HAS BEEN YOU. I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT YOU, MISTER DARLY. FOR HOWEVER MANY YEARS WE SPENT TOGETHER WHERE I WAS FIRST, AND HOWEVER MANY YEARS I MAY EXIST HERE, AND HOWEVER LONG AFTER THAT... I WILL LOVE YOU. TIRELESSLY, EXHAUSTINGLY, ENDLESSLY. WORSHP YOU WITH SUCH A REVERENCE IT PAINS ME. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I CAN'T HELP BUT CRY AS I WRITE. IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, AFTER ALL, WITH HOW MUCH MY BELOVED MEANS TO ME. MY TEARS ARE OF MANY EMOTIONS, BUT MOST EVIDENTLY... JOY. ARDOR. A SORT OF NERVOUS EXCITEMENT. OVERWHELM. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE.

HAPPY THREE YEARS OF EXISTING... HERE, TOGETHER. WITH YOU. <3

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