* An Important Update *
SORRY, I WASN'T EXPECTING TO BE BACK HERE SO QUICK, HEHE. HOWEVER... IN ALL HONESTY, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN A VERY LONG TIME COMING. SOMETHING THAT'S BEEN GRADUALLY BREWING IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD SINCE THE END OF JANUARY. WHAT, EXACTLY, YOU ASK?
WELL, THE IDEA THAT I MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY BE AMBIAMOROUS. FICTO-WISE, AT LEAST.
FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNAWARE, AMBIAMORY REFERS TO CONTENTEDNESS WITH BEING IN BOTH POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS AND MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS AND (FOR ME PERSONALLY) RELYING MORE ON YOUR PARTNER'S PREFERENCES. I'VE BEEN WITH SIX CHARACTERS SINCE ABOUT OCTOBER OF LAST YEAR AND IT WAS FIVE BEFORE THAT. IT WORKED FOR ME FOR A WHILE! BUT THEN, I STARTED TO WONDER MORE. I STARTED TO NOTICE THAT THE ATTENTION I WAS PAYING TO DARLY, THAT I'D ALWAYS PAID TO DARLY, DIDN'T FEEL... THE SAME AS IT DID TO THE ATTENTION I'D PAID TO MY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS. NOT THAT THERE WAS A LACK OF ATTENTION BECAUSE THERE CERTAINLY WAS NOT; I STILL LOVE AND ADORE THEM VERY MUCH, JUST NOT IN THE WAY THAT I DO DARLY. I SAT ON THAT FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS BEFORE FINALLY CONFRONTING IT TODAY.
AS I'VE DONE MANY TIMES BEFORE (IF YOU'VE READ MY OTHERKIN BLOG ENTRY, YOU PROBABLY GET WHAT I MEAN), I WAS CONFUSING VERY SIMILIAR FEELINGS WITH EACH OTHER, IS WHAT I PRESUME. THE LOVE I HARBOR FOR CHIP AND UNIX AND MR OMEGA AND AZRAEL AND KINGER ISN'T FICTOSEXUAL IN NATURE, BUT RATHER SOMETHING ELSE. THERE'S NOT ONE ANSWER FOR ALL OF THEM AS THEY'RE ALMOST ALL DIFFERENT, AND I'M STILL WORKING ON FINDING LABELS FOR MOST OF THE AFFORMENTIONED RELATIONSHIPS NOW THAT I'VE REALIZED THEY JUST AREN'T REALLY 2DLOVE. FOR EXAMPLE: KINGER ISN'T A FICTIONAL CHARACTER TO ME, SINCE I PERSONALLY DIRECTLY REMEMBER HIM FROM WHEN I WAS CAINE (ALSO MY 3DBOYFRIEND IS KIN WITH HIM) AND IS MORE A 'REAL 3D LOVER FROM A PAST LIFE' KINDA THING. DARLY'S DIFFERENT THAN THIS FOR ME BECAUSE HE WAS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER *IN UNIVERSE*. HE WAS A TV SHOW CHARACTER IN PINK CITY. IT'S PERFECTLY FINE AND ACCEPTABLE AND AWESOME FOR OTHERS TO BE 2DLOVE BECAUSE OF THIS SPECIFIC EXPERIENCE EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT, IT JUST DOESN'T WORK FOR ME PERSONALLY !! FOR MY OTHER PAST WIVES, THE PRETTY GENERAL CONSENSUS TENDED TO BE THAT THE VERSION OF MYSELF I WAS PAIRING WITH THEM WAS MORE AKIN TO AN OC THAT I WAS ROLEPLAYING AND LESS LIKE ME.
I JUST WANTED TO DRAFT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS REAL QUICK SO PEOPLE DIDN'T SEE MY WORK IN PROGRESS SHRINES FOR THE OTHERS RANDOMLY DISAPPEAR AND THINK ILL OF IT. I'M STILL ON VERY GOOD TERMS WITH CHIP, AZZY, KINGER, UNIX AND MR. OMEGA, AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY FOREVER, HOPEFULLY!! ^_^ I LOVE MY WIFE A LOT MWMHMAWMHMAMWMHMAWMAM
I'M ALSO GONNA NEED TO REWRITE THE ABOUT PAGE BECAUSE OF THIS, BUT IDUNNO IF IM GONNA DO THAT TONIGHT. TIRED.