DARLY BOXMAN IS THE TITULAR CHARACTER OF PINK CITY'S THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW, A WEIRD, PARTIALLY LOST KID'S TELEVISION PROGRAM FROM THE 1980'S.

THE SHOW INVOLVED HIM AND THE TWO OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS, MIMLIMIM AND MILKPOOCH, GOING ON A VARIETY OF WACKY ADVENTURES TOGETHER IN THE ODD LITTLE WORLD THEY EXIST IN. EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY EPISODE THAT CURRENTLY EXISTS FOR US TO WATCH IN THIS WORLD IS THE ONE UP ON GOOSEWORX'S CHANNEL UNDER THE SIMPLE TITLE THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW, I REMEMBER MANY MORE. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT GOOSEWORX FINDS ENOUGH TIME ONE DAY TO CREATE MORE CONTENT OF THE BEING I HOLD SO DEARLY.

DARLY HIMSELF IS AN ENGIMA TO ME. I'M ABSOLUTELY FASCINATED WITH HIM AND ALL HIS WEIRD BEHAVIORS, AND I IMAGINE HE'D GIGGLE AT ME IF HE KNEW THAT I WAS. IT'S OBVIOUS ON A FIRST WATCH THAT HE'S NOT ALL THERE MENTALLY, WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO INTERPRET THAT AS. HE MANAGES TO MAINTAIN HIS CHIPPER PERSONA FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF MAYBE 30 SECONDS BEFORE HE BREAKS INTO A SUDDEN FIT OF ANGER AND THROWS MILKPOOCH... AND PROCEEDS TO GIVE UP ON SAID PERSONA FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE.


IT'S OBVIOUS ENOUGH THAT HE'S ODD. HE CANNOT EXIST NORMALLY, WHICH IS WHY HE SIMPLY FAILS EVERYTIME HE TRIES TO. HIS MOOD FLIPS LIKE A SWITCH AND HE DEALS WITH ANGER ISSUES. HE CAN'T SEEM TO CONTROL HIS VOLUME VERY WELL AND HE FREQUENTLY SCREAMS AND CURSES DESPITE THE NATURE OF THE SHOW HE EXISTS WITHIN. THIS IS ALL MADE EVEN MORE STRANGE WHEN TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION THE FACT THAT GOOSEWORX HAS SAID SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF 'HE'S JUST GOOD AT PREVENTING HIMSELF FROM ACTING ON ANY VIOLENT URGES HE *DOES* GET'... IF THIS IS MISTER DARLY CONTROLLING HIMSELF, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT SORT OF DERANGED BEHAVIOR HE'D EXHIBIT HAD HE LOST ALL OF HIS SEMBLANCE. AND, OF COURSE, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH ALL OF THIS! I OF ALL BEINGS SHOULD KNOW, I AM HIS LOVELY GIRLFRIEND OF AN UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT OF YEARS, AFTER ALL. IT'S ALL PART OF WHY I LOVE HIM SO DEEPLY. ALAS, I'LL TRY TO SAVE MY GUSHING FOR THE PAGE THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. THE POINT IS THAT MISTER DARLY IS NOTHING SHORT OF A FREAK THAT WOULD GET KICKED OUT OF A VARIETY OF PUBLIC PLACES FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE. IN SPITE OF HIS DISTURBING BEHAVIOR, IT'S EVIDENT HE CARES DEEPLY FOR HIS ONLY TWO FRIENDS... ONE OF WHICH IS A DOG.

DARLY ENVOKES SEVERAL 'ATTRACTIVE' DESIGN MOTIFS. HE WEARS THIS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS REDDISH CORAL TWO-PIECE SUIT THAT I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO RUN MY HANDS ALONG THE CHEAP FABRIC OF; FINGERS BRUSHING PAST THE LOOSE ENDS OF POLYESTER THREADS THAT HAVE SINCE COME PARTIALLY UNWOVEN FROM SUCH FREQUENT USE. HIS FRAME IS LANKY, TALL AND BONY WHICH IS SORT OF REMINISCENT OF SLENDERMAN (OR ANY BIG, SKINNY GUY, REALLY...) WHICH IS IRONIC BECAUSE I DO ALSO FIND SLENDERMAN QUITE ATTRACTIVE. HIS HEAD IS... A BOX, THERE'S NOT MUCH TO SAY THERE. AND I IMAGINE THAT PROBABLY ISN'T 'ATTRACTIVE' TO MOST, BUT IT'S PROBABLY QUITE OBVIOUS BY NOW THAT IT IS TO ME. HE'S GOT WEIRD LITTLE HANDS, A SMART BOWTIE AND EYES SO RED YOU'D THINK HE'S ON SOMETHING. IN SHORT, HE'S VERY TUMBLRSEXYMAN-ESQUE. I'VE BEEN REMINDED OF MY DESIRE FOR A VERY SPECIFIC FLAVOR OF 2D MEN SEVERAL TIMES, TAKE A NUMBER.


HE IS SO, SO, SO INCREDIBLY ADORABLE IN THIS CLIP. FUCK.

JUST TO WARN YOU, DEAR READER... I'M TRAVERSING BEYOND WHAT'S CONSIDERED 'CANON' AND INTO BORDERLINE DELUSIONAL RAMBLING, BECAUSE I SIMPLY CAN'T TALK ABOUT DARLY BOXMAN WITHOUT ADDRESSING MY VIEWS ON HIM AS A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL

MY CURRENT WORKING THEORY ON THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW (AND ITS CREATOR'S SUBSEQUENT DISAPPEARENCE) INVOLVES THE IDEA THAT IT WAS NOT MADE PRIMARILY AS CONTENT, BUT AS A WAY TO COMMUNE WITH THE GODS OF PINK CITY INSTEAD. THE JARRING, NOT-SO-KID-FRIENDLY SCENES WITHIN THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW MAKE A LITTLE MORE SENSE WITH THAT EXTRA CONTEXT; APPEALING TO CHILDREN WASN'T THE MAIN PURPOSE OF THE SHOW AT ALL. AS A RESULT, ALL OF THE CHARACTERS WITHIN ARE ALMOST 'DOOMED' IN A WAY... DOOMED IN THE SENSE THAT THEIR EXISTANCE WILL ALWAYS BE TIED TO THE DARK, MALICIOUS CREATION OF THE VERY PLACE THEY RESIDE. THE INFLUENCE FROM A HIGHER POWER (AN INHERENTLY WICKED ONE AT THAT) WILL ALWAYS EXIST IN DIRECT CORRESPONDENCE TO HIS IMPACT AND IT IS COMFORTING TO ME, IN AN ODD SORT OF WAY. THE FACT THAT HE WAS CREATED NOT ONLY TO EXPLORE ANOTHER SIDE OF HIS CREATOR'S PSYCHE BUT ALSO TO BE SOME DIVINE MESSANGER - TO QUIETLY GUIDE AND MANIPULATE WHATEVER FEELINGS THE CITIZENS OF PINK CITY MAY HOLD TOWARDS A SUPREME BODY - STIRS A STRANGELY SOOTHING FEELING WITHIN ME. PERHAPS IT IS JUST BECAUSE I AM MUCH TOO FAR GONE ALREADY, ENTIRELY SWAYED BY WHATEVER VILE, SINFUL INFLUENCE BLED INTO THIS SHOW THROUGH THE CRACKS AND FISSURES THAT A TOXIC PRODUCTION FORMED... OR MAYBE I WAS ENTIRELY FINISHED FROM THE START. ONE THING I AM AWARE OF IS THAT I AM AT LEAST SOME WHAT CONTENT WITH THIS OUTCOME. I'M NOT JUST CONTENT, ACTUALLY, I'M HAPPY WITH MISTER DARLY'S SAINTLY INFLUENCE ON MY EXISTANCE. HE IS MY LORD.

READ A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MY ABSOLUTELY NUTSO VIEW ON THIS SHOW FROM MY SOURCE HERE.