* New Social Space... and A New Crush? *

HIIIII WIFE DIARY. BEEN A HOT HOT MOMENT, HASN'T IT? THAT'S BECAUSE OF MY USUAL FORGETFULNESS AND LACK OF MOTIVATION TO WRITE FOR THINGS LIKE THIS AND AAALSO THE FACT I WAS SUPER FUCKING SICK!!! WITH THE RONA!!! I'M STILL KIND OF SICK AS OF WRITING THIS BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT TO THE EXTENT THAT IT WAS A WEEK OR TWO AGO, I JUST KIND OF HAVE A COUGH NOW. BUT, ANYWAYS... WHAT AN EVENTFUL WEEK OR TWO IT'S BEEN! IN SPITE OF THAT!

TO BEGIN... I JOINED MY FIRST EVER FICTOSPACE/COMMUNITY (THAT I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ACTIVE IN)! IT'S A DISCORD SERVER RUN BY A MUTUAL I KNOW NOT ONLY KNOW ON HERE, BUT ALSO ON TWITTER/TUMBLR. IT IS A VERY COOL COG AND WAS ALSO PARTIALLY MY GATEWAY INTO THE IDEA OF BEING ON THE FICTOSPECTRUM TO BEGIN WITH. ANYWAYS, IT'S BEEN SUPER SUPER FUN SO FAR! I'VE YET TO REALLY GUSH ABOUT ANY OF MY GFS TO THE NORMAL CRAZY PSYCHO HOONIS EXTENT, BUT... I'M WORKIN UP TO IT! I WANNA EVENTUALLY POST THE DOODLE SHEET I'M CURRENTLY WORKING ON IN THERE AND RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE ABOUT MY SILLY GIRL THOUGHTS. I'VE HAD VERY FEW NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS SO FAR WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY, KNOWING HOW DISCORD CAN BE. IT'S A FUN AND WELCOMING SFW/ALL AGES SPACE THAT'S CURRENTLY UP AND BEING BUMPED ON DISBOARD, IF YOU WANNA JOIN IT.

NOW, TO WHAT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE THE MEAT OF THIS BLOG ENTRY: I'VE GOT A NEW CRUSH. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL. THIS IS PRETTY NEGATIVE, SORRY

I CONSIDER MYSELF A STUPIDLY BIG FAN OF GOOSEWORX. I'VE KNOWN ABOUT HER WORK FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW AND HAD WATCHED RUNMO BEFORE I REALLY ACKNOWLEDGED HER AS A CREATOR. I INTROJECTED FROM GHOST OF THE YEAR AND HAVE A DERANGED LOVE FOR DARLY BOXMAN, WHICH IS ALSO ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH MY SOURCE CHARACTER. NOW REWIND TO ABOUT 7 MONTHS AGO, WHEN GOOSEWORX FIRST ANNOUNCED HER NEXT PROJECT: THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS. I WAS FUCKING ECSTATIC. WHAT IS THIS WHIMSICAL OLD NET 2000S OFFPUTTING POINT AND CLICK GAME INSPIRED JOY. SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN WAITING WITH BATED BREATH FOR ITS RELEASE; GRIPPING THE EDGE OF MY CHAIR AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH AND LOSING MY MARBLES TO MY QPP EVERY TIME ANY AMOUNT OF UPCOMING CONTENT WAS REVEALED, BIG OR SMALL. I WAS GOING NUTS WHEN SHE POSTED THAT VAGUE IMAGE TEASING THE CHARACTERS' REFLECTIONS IN THE TILE FLOOR... SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW BEYOND FERAL I WAS WHEN GLITCH STARTED POSTING THE CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS.

I HAD A WEIRD AMOUNT OF AUTISM INTUITION APPARENTLY, BECAUSE I HAD BEEN WONDERING IF SOMEONE WAS GONNA SHOW UP THAT III... HAPPENED TO LIKE A BIT. SOMEONE WHO CAUGHT MY EYE IN A CUTE LITTLE GAY WAY. BECAUSE GOOSEWORX HAD DONE IT BEFORE, TWO TIMES TECHNICALLY. CUE THE SECOND TO LAST CHARACTER INTRODUCTION, KINGER. OH NO, HE'S HOT.

IMMEDIATE VISCERAL REACTION. WHO'S SURPRISED. HE FELT LIKE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED HOONIS BAIT. OLD MAN, WIDE BLOODSHOT EYES, WEIRD OFFPUTTING, DARLY BOXMAN STARE, WHAT THE FUCK. BUT I'VE TALKED ABOUT HOW SOMEONE LOOKS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR ME TO WANT TO DATE THEM MOST OF THE TIME. BEING A FAT OLD MAN IS A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR, SURE, BUT I HAVE A HUNGERING NEED TO KNOW MORE. BUT I'D BE LYING IF I SAID HE HADN'T BEEN FLOATING AROUND IN MY MIND SINCE. AND THEN WE COME TO YESTERDAY, THE RELEASE DATE OF THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS' PILOT.

I TOLD MY FRIENDS HOW PART OF ME WAS HOPING THAT KINGER ENDED UP BEING UNPALATABLE BY WHATEVER STANDARD TO ME BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE IF I COULD HANDLE BEING IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP OR HAVING ANOTHER SERIOUS CRUSH. TO MY DISMAY, THAT WASN'T THE CASE. HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING LOVE HIM. MY HEART WENT STUPID WONKY WHEN HE CAME ON SCREEN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I WAILED INTO THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BEACHED WHALE AT EVERY OTHER APPEARANCE HE MADE IN THE REST OF THE EPISODE, WHICH MY QPP AND OTHER FRIEND(S) CAN CONFIRM. IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I FUCKING LOVED IT ANYWAY LIKE I KNEW I WOULD BECAUSE I TRUST GOOSEWORX WITH MY SOUL (LITERALLY). I LOVE HIM SO, SO, SO, SO MUCH. AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BECAUSE NOT ONLY AM I UNSURE IF I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, BUT THERE HAPPENS TO BE A SLEW OF OTHER PROBLEMS TOO.

FIRST OF ALL... I GUESS I'M JUST SCARED HE WON'T LIKE ME. I'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE BUT IT'S FIZZLED OUT AS I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW MY CURRENT HUSBANDS (OBVIOUSLY). BUT THEN COMES THE ISSUE OF THIS BEING THE FIRST EPISODE OF TADC. THERE WILL BE SEVERAL MORE. GOOSEWORX HAS CONFIRMED THAT THERE WILL BE NO ROMANCE IN THE SERIES ITSELF SO I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF HIM GETTING INTO A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER, BUT I *AM* SCARED THAT HIS PERSONALITY IS GONNA END UP DRASTICALLY CHANGING, OR PART AN ASPECT OF HIS CHARACTER WILL BE REVEALED THAT JUST COMPLETELY BUTCHERS ANY CHANCE I MIGHT HAVE WITH HIM. AND I DON'T WANNA BE HURT. BUT... I'M FALLING FAST. AND HARD. I ALREADY KNOW THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THAT I'M GONNA MAKE IT WHEN THE NEXT EPISODE WILL PRESUMABLY BE RELEASING IN 2-3 MONTHS. TRAUMA DOES SILLY SILLY THINGS TO A GIRL, DOESN'T IT?

SECONDLY. I WORRY ABOUT HIS POPULARITY. DIGITAL CIRCUS DEBUTED AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL AND I'M SO SO HAPPY FOR THAT, BUT... IF KINGER ENDS UP BEING A SUPER COMPLEX CHARACTER (LIKE I'M THINKING HE MIGHT), TO THE POINT WHERE HE'S MISINTERPRETED DRASTICALLY, CAN I HANDLE THAT??? I ALREADY THROW THE BIGGEST OF PISSY FITS OVER THE FACT FANON CHIP EVEN EXISTS, AND CORPORATE CLASH IS IN NO WAY A MAINSTREAM MEDIA. I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D MANAGE AN OVERWHELMINGLY LARGE CROWD OF DUDES SAYING WILDLY INCORRECT THINGS ABOUT SOMEONE I LOVE SO, SO MUCH. THERE'S ALSO THE ASPECT OF HIM BEING LOVED BY OTHERS, TOO. ONCE AGAIN, EASY FOR ME TO DEAL WITH SMALLER CROWDS WHO SEE THEMSELVES WITH MY HUSBANDS IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSES OR WHATEVER BECAUSE OVERALL THEY'RE PRETTY NICHE ANYWAY. I'M BAD WITH JEALOUSY. REALLY, REALLY BAD.

AND DESPITE ALL OF THIS, I CAN FEEL MYSELF GETTING ATTACHED. HARD. I'VE ALREADY SEEN MYSELF WITH HIM AND HAVE AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO HOLD HIS HAND AND LAY ON HIM AND HIDE IN HIS COAT AND COMFORT HIM AND LET HIM KNOW THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY AND I GET HOT WHEN I THINK ABOUT HIM AND HAVE ALL THE STANDARD HOONIS REACTIONS WHEN I SEE ONE OF MY LOVERS. I DUNNO WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YET SOMETHING TELLS ME, HE MIGHT BE WORTH TAKING A FEW RISKS. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE KNOWN OF THIS MAN FOR FOUR MONTHS AND HAVE HAD AN EENSY CRUSH ON HIM... AND, NOW THAT I'VE ACTUALLY MET HIM, IT FEELS LIKE THAT DIAL'S BEEN TURNED UP 600%. AND, EVENTUALLY, I'M GONNA BREAK. WHETHER THAT RESULTS IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP OR NOT I DON'T KNOW. I'M INSANE, HAVE YOU NOTICED?

THIS WAS STUPIDLY NEGATIVE. BLEH. I JUST NEEDED SOMEWHERE TO PUT THIS AAAAND... THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MY SITE'S FOR! WHATEVER I WANNA PUT ON IT! I'LL PROBABLY WRITE AN UPDATE WHENEVER I FIGURE MYSELF OUT. WILL PROBABLY BE SOON, WITH HOW HARD THIS HAS HIT ME, HEHE. THANKS FOR READING

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