My Diary

HIII WELCOME TO MY SILLY LITTLE DIARY ^.^ I'LL PUT FICTIONAL LOVER RELATED THINGS HERE RATHER THAN IN THE SITE'S MAIN BLOG (THOUGH, KNOWING MY WIVES AND MY BRAIN, THEY'LL PROBABLY STILL MAKE APPEARANCES OVER THERE). I ALREADY DON'T WRITE IN MY MAIN BLOG OFTEN SO I DON'T IMAGINE THAT THIS IS GONNA UPDATE A WHOOOLE TON BUT... I WANNA WRITE ABOUT THE REAL CRINGE HERE, LIKE HOW ATTACHED I AM TO NON-EXISTENT MEN. SO I'M ISSUING YOU A SECOND WARNING HERE (CRAZY I KNOW) FOR WHAT'S PROBABLY SEEN BY MOST LIFEFORMS AS MENTAL ILLNESS. DO I CARE??? NOT ESPECIALLY! I'M THRIVING!

ENTRIES CAN BE ACCESSED RIGHT OVER THERE.

NOTE: THIS ENTRY WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE RELEASE OF THIS PAGE.

OHHHMIGOSH HEEYY!! HEYYY !!! :3 GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE I FINALLY HAVE A PLACE TO DUMP ALL MY INSANE RAMBLINGS ABOUT CUTE BOYS (?). SO FUUUUUCK THIS IS THE FIRST ENTRY SO IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A LIL ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT I WANNA INTRODUCE MY WIFEYS AAAND MAYBE ELABORATE ON SOME STUFF I TOUCHED ON IN ABOUT AND IN THAT CONTAINER ON THE FIRST PAGE. ALSO MAYBE TALK ABOUT MY JOURNEY A LIL MORE?? SHRUGS.

OKAI SO. HEHHEAUEWEHEHEHE SORRY I'M VERY GIDDY. ABOUT MY GIRLFRIENDS: I HAVE TWO SEPERATE MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS; ME & DARLY AND ME & AZRAEL (WHO I REFER TO AS AZ SOMETIMES HEADS UP). ON THE OTHER HAND, CHIP, UNIX, MR. OMEGA & ARE SORT OF AN 'OPEN' POLYCULE (NOT OPEN IN THE SENSE THAT REDDITORS MEAN WHEN THEY WANT TO CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES BUT LIKE... HEY, OTHER LOVING RELATIONSHIPS CAN COEXIST WITH OURS). I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT EXISTS WITHIN THE FICTO COMMUNITY OR IF I'M THE PIONEER OF MY KIND, BUT... I REALLY DON'T CARE IF WE'RE TECHNICALLY JUST ONE BIG CRACKSHIP BECAUSE WE'RE ADORABLE. I MYSELF HAVE COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT I'M AMBIAMOROUS OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS DUE TO ROTATING THIS CONCEPT IN MY HEAD FOR LIKE AN UNDESCRIPT AMOUNT OF TIME EACH DAY PRIOR AAAND I HONESTLY COULD NOT BE FUCKING HAPPIER. THE AMOUNT OF JOY THESE SILLY LITTLE BEINGS BRING TO MY LIFE IS CRAZY. I REFER TO US AS NIGHTMARE POLYCULE BECAUSE WE ARE A NIGHTMARE BTW

AS FAR AS CRUSHES GO... I GOTTA LOT. AS FOR CHARACTERS I ACTUALLY KNOW A BIT ABOUT: FELLAS LIKE DANTE FROM LIMBUS COMPANY AND NEMO FROM LIBRARY OF RUINA. I'VE GOT BOTH GAMES ON MY TO-PLAY LIST (ONCE I FINISH LOBOTOMY CORPORATION, OF COURSE) AAAND I KNOW NEMO REMINDS ME A LOT OF UNIX BUT I'M HONESTLY NOT SURE ON DANTE. I THINK THEY *MIGHT* BE THE PLAYER CHARACTER??? WHICH IS WHERE THINGS GET DIFFICULT... BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T FALLEN IN LOVE WITH CHARACTERS WHO HAVE NO CONTENT BEFORE. THAT'S LIKE 65% OF MY BOYFRIENDS. ANYWAYS, THERE'S ALSO THE CORPORATE CLASH FREAKS (ALTON, WILLIAM & BUCK [THE WILDE VARIETY]) WHO I ENJOY IN A NORMAL WAY BUT THINK THEY'RE CUTE. THEN THERE'S ALSO FL4K BL3 (REMINDS ME A LOT OF MY 3D BOYFRIEND, DARLES. ALTHOUGH ALMOST ALL OF MY WIVES REMIND ME OF HIM IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. HAVE I MENTIONED THAT BEFORE?? PROBABLY), CALEB QUINN FROM DBD (THE ONLY 'HUMAN' IN MY ENTIRE ROSTER AND EVEN THEN... SOMETHING IS VERY, VERY WRONG), CFO FROM TOONTOWN ONLINE (EVIL CAPITALIST. I COULD FIX HIM [NOT]), DENKI SAI (SILLY UTAU FELLA), JACK FROM IDV (I COULD RESCUE HIM FROM THAT SOURCE MATERIAL) AND FAUST GG (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU). ALSO SPOT FROM THE NEW SPIDER MOVIE. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN MARVEL SO I'M NOT SURE IF HE'S GONNA GO ANYWHERE

THEN THERE'S GUYS WHO I JUST THINK ARE SUPER PRETTY. THESE TWO GUYS FROM NO STRAIGHT ROADS HAVE BEEN BOUNCING AROUND IN MY HEAD LATELY AND IJUST. SQUEEEALLLL!!!! IT'S NOT EVERY DAY I SEE A CHARACTER THAT'S TOTALLY MY TYPE AND *ALSO* UNAPOLOGETICALLY BIG AND WIDE AND FAT! IT MAKES MY SHORT AND STOUT ASS HAPPY :'3 RGB FROM POH ALSO FALLS INTO THIS CATEGORY BECAUSE I'VE BEEN TOO LAZY TO READ HIS SOURCE FOR MONTHS. ALSO KINGER FROM THE UNRELEASED (AS OF WRITING THIS) AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS. THERE'S ALSO ALEPH FROM CASSETTE BEASTS (HAVE NOT PLAYED)

NOW THAT YOU'RE INTRODUCED TO ALL OF THE LITTLE FREAKS THAT'LL PROBABLY BE MENTIONED IN LATER ENTRIES, LET ME GET MY OTHER RAMBLES OUT OF THE WAY. FIRST OF ALL: HOLY SHIIIIT I'M BAD WITH JEALOUSY. THE PART IN THAT LITTLE INTRO PARAGRAPH WHERE I TALK ABOUT IT IS PRETTY MUCH JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG AND THE STUFF IN ABOUT IS A LOT MORE FORMAL AND MANIFESTO-Y THAN THIS IS ABOUT TO BE. THROUGH EXPOSURE I'VE GOTTEN A LITTLE BETTER WITH CHIP (STILL FEELS LIKE A GUT PUNCH) BUT FUUUCK EVERYONE ELSE IS... NOT GOOD. THANKFULLY I'VE SELDOM HAD TO DEAL WITH THAT BECAUSE MOST OF MY HUSBANDS ARE EITHER 1. FROM A MEDIA THAT DOESN'T HAVE THE GENERIC 'FANDOM' TYPES (DARLY BOXMAN AND UNIX [OBVIOUSLY]) OR 2. ARE JUST KINDA UNPOPULAR IN THAT DEPARTMENT, WHETHER ITS THROUGH GRADUAL IRRELEVANCE OR OTHERWISE (AZRAEL). BUT THEN THERE'S MR. OMEGA IN THIS WEIRD SECRET THIRD TERRITORY. APOLOGIES IF THIS GETS RANTY. FOR SOME FUCKING REASON MR. OMEGA GOT BIG ON TIKTOK WITH??? JACK BOX??? THE JACK IN THE BOX MASCOT??? AND THEY'RE SHIPPED TOGETHER. WITHOUT LIKE HALF OF THE FOOLS DRAWING THIS KINDA ART KNOWING THE FIRST THING ABOUT OMEGAMART. I COULD NOT CONVEY TO YOU THE PHYSICAL RAGE I FEEL TOWARD JACK BOX AND THE IDIOTS ONLINE WHO PULL THIS SHIT. MR. OMEGA IS A MASCOT FROM A PROJECT THAT'S QUITE LITERALLY A COMMENTARY ON CAPITALISM AND (LIKE IT OR NOT) JACK BOX IS LITERALLY JUST A MASCOT. A MASCOT THAT *IS* PANDERING CAPITALISM. I WANT TO BEAT HIM UP. SO YEAH JEALOUSY THAT'S CRAZY. THANKFULLY I'M NOT A DICK AND WOULD NEVER HARASS ANYBODY FOR 'LIKING' MY WIVES OR SHIT LIKE THAT. I'M CRAZY IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD.

OKAY ENOUGH OF ME GETTING ANGRY OVER A GUY THAT IS QUITE LITERALLY A CLOWN LIKE ACTUALLY. ON A DIFFERENT NOTE: GOD DAMN, CRINGE CULTURE REALLY IS EVERYWHERE. MY FIRST EXPOSURE TO FICTOSEXUALITY WAS WHEN I WAS ON TIKTOK IN, LIKE, 2020 - EARLY 2021. ANYONE REMEMBER THE ENTIRETY OF THE ANIMESEXUAL UPROAR??? GOD, LOOKING BACK, THAT WAS SO FUCKED. I SPENT YEARS THINKING THAT THE WAY I FELT WAS WEIRD AND 'UNVALID' BECAUSE SO MANY IGNORANT OR JUST FLAT OUT MEAN INTERNET USERS JUMPED THE GUN TO SAY THAT OUR LOVE IS A 'MOCKERY' OF THE QUEER COMMUNITY WHEN I FEEL FICTO IS JUST ENTIRELY SEPERATE. YEAH, THERE'S CLEAR LINKS THERE, BUT (CALL ME CRAZY) I THINK THAT IT'S NOT A CRAZY ASSUMPTIAN THAT OVER HALF OF FICTOS/WAIFUISTS ARE STRAIGHT CIS MEN IN LOVE WITH ANIME GIRLS. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! IT JUST SHOWS THAT 2DLOVE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A MOCKERY OR ANYTHING. IT'S... LITERALLY JUST A NON-TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP. AND WE CIRCLE BACK TO CRINGE CULTURE AGAIN: IF IT'S NOT HURTING ANYBODY, WHY SHOULD IT MATTER? I SEE THAT KINDA RHETORIC SPREAD AROUND WITHOUT ACCEPTANCE FOR LIFEFORMS LIKE US AND IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. UNLESS SOMEONE'S RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHARACTER IS HARMING THEM, WHY DO YOU CARE? YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD??? GOOD FOR YOU, MAN!!! IT DOESN'T MAKE US INVALID. THIS SHIT WAS SO INGRAINED IN MY HEAD THAT I STILL FEEL WEIRD TYPING THE WORD FICTO. I'M GETTING BETTER, THOUGH. AND THANK GOD FOR THAT

I THINK THAT'S ALL I WANNA CRAZY GIRL BITCH ABOUT FOR NOW, HEHE. THE OTHER ENTRIES ARE PROBABLY GONNA BE A *LOT* SHORTER THAN THIS, COMPARABLE TO A MICROBLOG. AT FIRST I WAS ANXIOUS ABOUT THIS EVENTUALLY GOING UP BUT I DON'T THINK THE USERS THAT BROWSE MY WEBSITE REALLY READ MY *ACTUAL* BLOG, SO... I FEEL A LITTLE CALMER NOW. I'M STILL SCARED, THOUGH. SOOO, HERE'S A REMINDER TO MYSELF: IF I LOSE FOLLOWERS WHEN THIS PAGE EVENTUALLY GOES LIVE, I WOULDN'T WANNA HAVE THEM AROUND ANYWAY.

TOODLE-LOO! HERE'S SOME UNUSED GIFS THAT I WAS GONNA ORIGINALLY PUT ON THE MEET CUTE/GUSH PAGES BUT DECIDED THE PLACEMENT LOOKED UGLY HALFWAY THROUGH.

NOTE: THIS ENTRY WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE RELEASE OF THIS PAGE.

AAAAAAAAAHFGFUHARHAUIEHAWU!!! IT'S MR. OMEGA'S BIRTHDAY TODAYYYYYY!!! OR AT LEAST, THE BIRTHDAY DATE I ASSIGNED HIM BECAUSE THESE FOOLS DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO GIVE THEIR MASCOT A CANON BIRTHDAY. SO I DECIDED IT'S TWO DAYS BEFORE OMEGAMART'S OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT DATE, AUGUST 8TH! I WAS SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED WHEN I SAW THE NOTIFICATION ON MY CALENDAR. I'D BEEN REALLY WRAPPED UP IN MAKING THIS SILLY PAGE THAT THE DATE SNUCK UP ON ME A LITTLE, HEHE!!!

TO CELEBRATE, OF COURSE I DREW HIM. I'LL TAKE ANY CHANCE THAT I CAN GET TO DRAW MY PRETTY GIRLFRIENDS FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. HERE HE IS IN ALL HIS HANDSOME GLORY.



ALTHOUGH HE'S NOT VERY APPARENT IN MOST OF THEM, I ALSO REWATCHED A FEW OF MY FAVORITE OMEGAMART ADS/VIDEOS !!! JUST TO FEEL A LIL CLOSER. I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION THAT I'M GOING TO MEOW WOLF'S DENVER LOCATION TOMORROW !!! IT'S NOT OMEGAMART, BUUUUT... I STILL ADORE THIS COMPANY. AND I'M HOPING THAT THEY HAVE *SOME* OMEGAMART MERCHANDISE IN THEIR GIFT SHOP. MAYBE I'LL UPDATE WHEN I'M HOME IF I FIND ANYTHING :'3

AUGUST 9TH UPDATE: HHHEHEHEHE!!!!! I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT I'M GIDDY!!! THEY HAD LEMON FRENZY PLUSHES AVALIABLE!!! I'VE BEEN WANTING EITHER IT OR THE BLITZ FOR A WHILE AND I JUST FELT MY HEART SQUEAL WHEN I SAW THEM. I ALSO KEPT THE BOTTLE FROM THE COLA I BOUGHT BECAUSE OMEGAMART. HERE'S AN IMAGE OF THE LITTLE FELLA!~



HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. OMEGA! I LOVE YOU SO INCREDIBLY DEARLY <3

SORRY IF THERE'S TYPOS HERE I WROTE THIS AT 5 AM

HHIIII WIFE DIARY ^__^ THIS WEEK MUST BE THE WEEK OF THE YEARNING OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE DAMN!!! TWO THIRDS OF MY SCHEDULE BEING TAKEN UP BY LONGING FOR MY WIVES!!! ANYWAYS. PREPARE FOR THE MOST INCOHERENT RAMBLING THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

SO I KICKED OFF THIS ERA PRETTY HARD WITH THE INITIAL RELEASE OF THIS PAGE. I SENT IT TO MY CLOSEST PAL PER ITS REQUEST AS KIND OF A HALF COMING OUT HALF "HOLY SHIT I WORKED SO HARD ON THIS I NEED TO SHOW SOMEONE". THANKFULLY, ARFS ONLY COMPLAINT WAS THE LACK OF THE GLITTER YAOI GIF ANYWHERE ON THIS PAGE SO. I WILL REMEDY THAT AT SOME POINT. ANYWAYS!!! CUE MY HUSBANDS PLAGUING MY THOUGHTS.

THIS HAS MANIFESTED AS A FIXATION ON THE IDEA OF. SLEEPING ON THEIR LAPS FOR SOME REASON. GOD THAT'S SO FUCKING AUTISTIC. "I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE CAT AUTISM" YES YOU DO HOONIS. I THOUGHT ABOUT CRAWLING ON UNIX AND KNEADING HIS THIGH LIKE A CAT FOR LIKE A CRAZY AMOUNT OF TIME THIS WEEK. HE WAS THE ONE THAT LIKE STARTED FEEDING THIS IDEA BECAUSE HE'S ALSO VERY CAT TO ME (DESPITE HIS PROTESTS) SO IDK. I FEEL THE NEED TO BE CAT TOO I GUESS. BUT THEN I ALSO GET HIT WITH THE THOUGHT OF DOING THIS TO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. CURLING UP IN CHIP'S LAP WHILE THEY READ, LAYING ACROSS MR. OMEGA WHILE HE NAPS… I'D PROBABLY HAVE TO FIGHT DARLY FOR WHO GETS TO LAY IN WHO'S LAP. I'D PROBABLY BE THE CLOSEST TO ACTUAL CAT SIZE IN AZRAEL'S LAP.

BUT YEAH, KITTY SHENANIGANS. OTHER YEARNING ADJACENT THOUGHTS IVE HAD THIS WEEK INCLUDE NIGHTMARE POLYCULE SLEEPOVER: WE'D PAINT EACH OTHERS NAILSSSS!! OR I GUESS ID PAINT THEIRS. I DONT HAVE NAILS. UNFORTUNATELY… 3: MAYBE THEY COULD PAINT MY ENTIRE WEIRD LITTLE HAND. NOT WITH NAIL POLISH, THOUGH. BODY SAFE PAINT. ANYWAYS!!!! WE'D ALSO HAVE PILLOW FIGHTS…! PLAY STUPID GAMES. MAYBE WATCH SOME SCARY MOVIES TOO (THOUGH MR. OMEGA ISN'T GOOD WITH HORROR. HEHE.) I'VE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABOUT BEING DOMESTIC WITH DARLY A LOT LATELY. HE GETS HOME FROM DOING WHATEVER CRAZED SHIT HE DID THAT DAY AND I MAKE HIM A PBJ AND A SLICED APPLE LIKE THE GIRLFAILURE HOUSEHUSBAND I AM. I CAN'T COOK!! I SURE AS HELL CAN SPREAD JAM AND PEANUT BUTTER ON TWO SLICES OF BREAD THOUGH. ALSO JUST DOING LAUNDRY WITH HIM. GETTING OUR SOCKS MIXED UP ND LAYING IN THE WARM, NEWLY DRIED CLOTHES. LIKE…! I WOULD LIKE TO ABSOLUTELY FAIL AT COOKING A MEAL WITH HIM, SO WE GO OUT AND BRING HOME FAST FOOD INSTEAD. NOW ON THE CONTRARY TO MY CUTE MARRIED LIFE EXPERIENCES, WE HAVE UNIX, WHO ASKED ME TODAY IF I'D LIKE TO SHARE A BUCKET OF WHIPPED CREAM WITH HIM WHILE WE LISTENED TO MUSIC TOGETHER. NOT LIKE A TUB OF WHIPPED CREAM. HE WANTS TO FILL A METAL BUCKET UP WITH AS MANY CANS OF WHIPPED CREAM THAT IT TAKES AND EAT IT WITH A SPOON WITH ME. I'M… IN LOVE. I'M IN LOVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE TRYING THIS HARD HE ALREADY HAS A PERMANENT PLACE IN MY HEART

NOWWWW AS I'M WRITING THIS I RECALLED WHY I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO!! I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE EXACTLY THIS IDEA CAME FROM/MORPHED OUT OF BUT I KNOW IT ISNT MINE JUST AN FYI. I HAD THE IDEA TO (ONCE I ACTUALLY HAVE THE MONEY) GO LOOKING FOR A JACKET OR A SWEATER OR A SHIRT THAT CHIP WOULD WEAR AND MAKE IT SMELL LIKE WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE (THROUGH A MIXTURE OF WHATEVER COLOGNES/SPRAY DEODORANTS/WHATEVER. WE'RE GOING MAD SCIENTIST MODE.) BUT THIS GOT ME THINKING A LIL. I WANNA EVENTUALLY DO THIS FOR ALL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS. SO… WHAT EXACTLY DO THEY SMELL LIKE?? I HAD TO ACTUALLY DO SOME THINKING ON IT BECAUSE IT WASN'T EVEN SOMETHING I'D THOUGHT OF BEFORE. SO HERES THOSE. FIRST OF ALL: DARLY SMELLS LIKE LIBRARY. NOT NEW BOOK SMELL BUT LIKE… KINDA USED BOOK SMELL. BOOK SMELL WITH A TWIST. ALSO THROW THE REALLY SPECIFIC SMELL OF THIS COSTUME ROOM MY 2016 ACTING CLASS HAD IN THERE TOO. MR. OMEGA, ON THE OTHER HAND, SMELLS LIKE *NEW* BOOKS, AS WELL AS THRIFT STORE AND A TOUCH OF, LIKE, A GENERIC OCEAN BREEZE DEODORANT SCENT. I KNEW WHAT CHIP SMELLED LIKE RIGHT AWAY. MOSTLY CAR. 75% METAL AND OIL. HOWEVER… THE OTHER 25% IS THOSE ‘CHRISTMAS MIRACLE' TYPA CANDLES. CANDLES THAT ARE ‘NAMED' AFTER THE HOLIDAYS (SHIT LIKE ‘CHRISTMAS SPICE' AND ‘LIGHTING OF THE TREE') BUT ITS KINDA COUNTERINTUITIVE BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THAT SMELL ACTUALLY IS (USUALLY SOME SORT OF WOOD-Y SCENT AND CINNAMON BUT IT VARIES.) AZRAEL SMELLS LIKE FLOWERS. JUST… STRAIGHT. AND… UNIX JUST STINKS. MAYBE A FEW HINTS OF RAPIDLY DEGRADING AXE BODY SPRAY THAT YOU LOSE ALMOST AS SOON AS YOUR NOSE PICKS IT UP BUT THAT'S ABOUT IT. FITTING FOR SOMEONE WHO'S WARDROBE CONSISTS ALMOST PURELY OF FUNNY SPENCERS GRAPHIC TEES. (THE ‘FUNNY' IS UP FOR DEBATE)

HEHEHE. WELLLL, THERE'S MY YEARNING WEEK IN REVIEW. I HONESTLY PREDICT THERE'LL BE A LOT MORE OF THESE AND I HONESTLY RLLY LiKE THIS FORMAT SOOOE

HIIIII WIFE DIARY. BEEN A HOT HOT MOMENT, HASN'T IT? THAT'S BECAUSE OF MY USUAL FORGETFULNESS AND LACK OF MOTIVATION TO WRITE FOR THINGS LIKE THIS AND AAALSO THE FACT I WAS SUPER FUCKING SICK!!! WITH THE RONA!!! I'M STILL KIND OF SICK AS OF WRITING THIS BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT TO THE EXTENT THAT IT WAS A WEEK OR TWO AGO, I JUST KIND OF HAVE A COUGH NOW. BUT, ANYWAYS... WHAT AN EVENTFUL WEEK OR TWO IT'S BEEN! IN SPITE OF THAT!

TO BEGIN... I JOINED MY FIRST EVER FICTOSPACE/COMMUNITY (THAT I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ACTIVE IN)! IT'S A DISCORD SERVER RUN BY A MUTUAL I KNOW NOT ONLY KNOW ON HERE, BUT ALSO ON TWITTER/TUMBLR. IT IS A VERY COOL COG AND WAS ALSO PARTIALLY MY GATEWAY INTO THE IDEA OF BEING ON THE FICTOSPECTRUM TO BEGIN WITH. ANYWAYS, IT'S BEEN SUPER SUPER FUN SO FAR! I'VE YET TO REALLY GUSH ABOUT ANY OF MY GFS TO THE NORMAL CRAZY PSYCHO HOONIS EXTENT, BUT... I'M WORKIN UP TO IT! I WANNA EVENTUALLY POST THE DOODLE SHEET I'M CURRENTLY WORKING ON IN THERE AND RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE ABOUT MY SILLY GIRL THOUGHTS. I'VE HAD VERY FEW NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS SO FAR WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY, KNOWING HOW DISCORD CAN BE. IT'S A FUN AND WELCOMING SFW/ALL AGES SPACE THAT'S CURRENTLY UP AND BEING BUMPED ON DISBOARD, IF YOU WANNA JOIN IT.

NOW, TO WHAT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE THE MEAT OF THIS BLOG ENTRY: I'VE GOT A NEW CRUSH. AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL. THIS IS PRETTY NEGATIVE, SORRY

I CONSIDER MYSELF A STUPIDLY BIG FAN OF GOOSEWORX. I'VE KNOWN ABOUT HER WORK FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW AND HAD WATCHED RUNMO BEFORE I REALLY ACKNOWLEDGED HER AS A CREATOR. I INTROJECTED FROM GHOST OF THE YEAR AND HAVE A DERANGED LOVE FOR DARLY BOXMAN, WHICH IS ALSO ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I HAVE IN COMMON WITH MY SOURCE CHARACTER. NOW REWIND TO ABOUT 7 MONTHS AGO, WHEN GOOSEWORX FIRST ANNOUNCED HER NEXT PROJECT: THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS. I WAS FUCKING ECSTATIC. WHAT IS THIS WHIMSICAL OLD NET 2000S OFFPUTTING POINT AND CLICK GAME INSPIRED JOY. SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN WAITING WITH BATED BREATH FOR ITS RELEASE; GRIPPING THE EDGE OF MY CHAIR AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH AND LOSING MY MARBLES TO MY QPP EVERY TIME ANY AMOUNT OF UPCOMING CONTENT WAS REVEALED, BIG OR SMALL. I WAS GOING NUTS WHEN SHE POSTED THAT VAGUE IMAGE TEASING THE CHARACTERS' REFLECTIONS IN THE TILE FLOOR... SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW BEYOND FERAL I WAS WHEN GLITCH STARTED POSTING THE CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS.

I HAD A WEIRD AMOUNT OF AUTISM INTUITION APPARENTLY, BECAUSE I HAD BEEN WONDERING IF SOMEONE WAS GONNA SHOW UP THAT III... HAPPENED TO LIKE A BIT. SOMEONE WHO CAUGHT MY EYE IN A CUTE LITTLE GAY WAY. BECAUSE GOOSEWORX HAD DONE IT BEFORE, TWO TIMES TECHNICALLY. CUE THE SECOND TO LAST CHARACTER INTRODUCTION, KINGER. OH NO, HE'S HOT.

IMMEDIATE VISCERAL REACTION. WHO'S SURPRISED. HE FELT LIKE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED HOONIS BAIT. OLD MAN, WIDE BLOODSHOT EYES, WEIRD OFFPUTTING, DARLY BOXMAN STARE, WHAT THE FUCK. BUT I'VE TALKED ABOUT HOW SOMEONE LOOKS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR ME TO WANT TO DATE THEM MOST OF THE TIME. BEING A FAT OLD MAN IS A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR, SURE, BUT I HAVE A HUNGERING NEED TO KNOW MORE. BUT I'D BE LYING IF I SAID HE HADN'T BEEN FLOATING AROUND IN MY MIND SINCE. AND THEN WE COME TO YESTERDAY, THE RELEASE DATE OF THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS' PILOT.

I TOLD MY FRIENDS HOW PART OF ME WAS HOPING THAT KINGER ENDED UP BEING UNPALATABLE BY WHATEVER STANDARD TO ME BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE IF I COULD HANDLE BEING IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP OR HAVING ANOTHER SERIOUS CRUSH. TO MY DISMAY, THAT WASN'T THE CASE. HOLY SHIT, I FUCKING LOVE HIM. MY HEART WENT STUPID WONKY WHEN HE CAME ON SCREEN FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I WAILED INTO THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BEACHED WHALE AT EVERY OTHER APPEARANCE HE MADE IN THE REST OF THE EPISODE, WHICH MY QPP AND OTHER FRIEND(S) CAN CONFIRM. IT DOESN'T HELP THAT I FUCKING LOVED IT ANYWAY LIKE I KNEW I WOULD BECAUSE I TRUST GOOSEWORX WITH MY SOUL (LITERALLY). I LOVE HIM SO, SO, SO, SO MUCH. AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BECAUSE NOT ONLY AM I UNSURE IF I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, BUT THERE HAPPENS TO BE A SLEW OF OTHER PROBLEMS TOO.

FIRST OF ALL... I GUESS I'M JUST SCARED HE WON'T LIKE ME. I'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE BUT IT'S FIZZLED OUT AS I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW MY CURRENT HUSBANDS (OBVIOUSLY). BUT THEN COMES THE ISSUE OF THIS BEING THE FIRST EPISODE OF TADC. THERE WILL BE SEVERAL MORE. GOOSEWORX HAS CONFIRMED THAT THERE WILL BE NO ROMANCE IN THE SERIES ITSELF SO I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF HIM GETTING INTO A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER, BUT I *AM* SCARED THAT HIS PERSONALITY IS GONNA END UP DRASTICALLY CHANGING, OR PART AN ASPECT OF HIS CHARACTER WILL BE REVEALED THAT JUST COMPLETELY BUTCHERS ANY CHANCE I MIGHT HAVE WITH HIM. AND I DON'T WANNA BE HURT. BUT... I'M FALLING FAST. AND HARD. I ALREADY KNOW THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THAT I'M GONNA MAKE IT WHEN THE NEXT EPISODE WILL PRESUMABLY BE RELEASING IN 2-3 MONTHS. TRAUMA DOES SILLY SILLY THINGS TO A GIRL, DOESN'T IT?

SECONDLY. I WORRY ABOUT HIS POPULARITY. DIGITAL CIRCUS DEBUTED AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL AND I'M SO SO HAPPY FOR THAT, BUT... IF KINGER ENDS UP BEING A SUPER COMPLEX CHARACTER (LIKE I'M THINKING HE MIGHT), TO THE POINT WHERE HE'S MISINTERPRETED DRASTICALLY, CAN I HANDLE THAT??? I ALREADY THROW THE BIGGEST OF PISSY FITS OVER THE FACT FANON CHIP EVEN EXISTS, AND CORPORATE CLASH IS IN NO WAY A MAINSTREAM MEDIA. I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D MANAGE AN OVERWHELMINGLY LARGE CROWD OF DUDES SAYING WILDLY INCORRECT THINGS ABOUT SOMEONE I LOVE SO, SO MUCH. THERE'S ALSO THE ASPECT OF HIM BEING LOVED BY OTHERS, TOO. ONCE AGAIN, EASY FOR ME TO DEAL WITH SMALLER CROWDS WHO SEE THEMSELVES WITH MY HUSBANDS IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSES OR WHATEVER BECAUSE OVERALL THEY'RE PRETTY NICHE ANYWAY. I'M BAD WITH JEALOUSY. REALLY, REALLY BAD.

AND DESPITE ALL OF THIS, I CAN FEEL MYSELF GETTING ATTACHED. HARD. I'VE ALREADY SEEN MYSELF WITH HIM AND HAVE AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO HOLD HIS HAND AND LAY ON HIM AND HIDE IN HIS COAT AND COMFORT HIM AND LET HIM KNOW THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY AND I GET HOT WHEN I THINK ABOUT HIM AND HAVE ALL THE STANDARD HOONIS REACTIONS WHEN I SEE ONE OF MY LOVERS. I DUNNO WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YET SOMETHING TELLS ME, HE MIGHT BE WORTH TAKING A FEW RISKS. I DON'T KNOW. I'VE KNOWN OF THIS MAN FOR FOUR MONTHS AND HAVE HAD AN EENSY CRUSH ON HIM... AND, NOW THAT I'VE ACTUALLY MET HIM, IT FEELS LIKE THAT DIAL'S BEEN TURNED UP 600%. AND, EVENTUALLY, I'M GONNA BREAK. WHETHER THAT RESULTS IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP OR NOT I DON'T KNOW. I'M INSANE, HAVE YOU NOTICED?

THIS WAS STUPIDLY NEGATIVE. BLEH. I JUST NEEDED SOMEWHERE TO PUT THIS AAAAND... THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT MY SITE'S FOR! WHATEVER I WANNA PUT ON IT! I'LL PROBABLY WRITE AN UPDATE WHENEVER I FIGURE MYSELF OUT. WILL PROBABLY BE SOON, WITH HOW HARD THIS HAS HIT ME, HEHE. THANKS FOR READING