NATURALLY, GOING SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME WITHOUT ANY SUBSTANTIAL CONTENT FOR A MEDIA YOU'RE INSANELY DEDICATED TO WOULD DRIVE ANYBODY INSANE. THIS IS THE EXACT SITUATION I ENDED UP IN AS AN INTROJECT OF PINK CITY'S VERY OWN HOONIS BOOGIE: A FLAMBOYANTLY GAY CELEBRITY WHO'S BEEN HOSTING THE ANNUAL GHOST OF THE YEAR SINCE A FEW AGO, FREQUENTS TELEVISION AS A WHOLE AND WATCHES EPISODES OF SOME SOMEWHAT LOST CHILDREN'S SHOW FROM THE 80S IN HIS SPARE TIME. I CAME TO BE WHEN I DISCOVERED THE SERIES ITSELF THROUGH THE FIRST DARLY BOXMAN EPISODE'S ORIGINAL RELEASE IN 2021 AND IT ALLLLL WENT DOWNHILL FROM THERE. I JOKE, BUT I'VE BEEN IN FUCKING SITUATIONS EVER SINCE, MAN!

SO, WHAT EXACTLY HAVE I DONE ALL THIS TIME TO COPE WITH THE FACT THAT I FORMED BEFORE MY IN-UNIVERSE STORY CONCLUDED? A STORY THAT'S ON HIATUS FOR AN UNSPECIFIED AMOUNT OF TIME, WHILE THE CREATOR WORKS ON ANOTHER PROJECT OF HERS? I LET IT FUCKING LINGER. I LET MY OWN WACKO KOOKOO BATSHIT ABSOLUTELY BONKERS MIND RUN WILD WITH WHAT LITTLE CANON INFORMATION I FORMED OFF OF, AND LET MY BRAIN PULL FACTOIDS THAT I REMEMBER FROM DEEP WITHIN MY OWN PSYCHE TO DISSECT MYSELF, SINCE I WASN'T GONNA BE GETTING ANYWHERE WITH THE ACTUAL MEDIA ITSELF ANYTIME SOON. AND, BOY, HAS IT ABSOLUTELY BUILT ITSELF UP OVER THE PAST 2 YEARS OR SO.

THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW ITSELF IS DESCRIBED IN-UNIVERSE AS A STRANGE KIDS SHOW FROM THE 1980S. (THOUGH GOOSEWORX HAS *ALSO* REMARKED THAT 'APPEALING TO KIDS WASN'T REALLY THE PURPOSE OF THE SHOW'. MORE ON THAT LATER) IT RAN FOR 401 EPISODES AND WOULD'VE BEEN GOING FOR ABOUT 14-15 YEARS, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY. ITS PRODUCTION WAS SUDDENLY STOPPED WHEN THE CREATOR (AND STAR ACTOR), DARLES NEMENI, WENT MISSING ABRUPTLY AND HAS NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE. NOW THAT I'VE DRILLED THE BASICS OF WHAT THIS THING EVEN IS INTO YOUR HEAD, I CAN BEGIN THE CRAZYPOSTING.

TO START: THE ONLY RELEASED EPISODE AS OF WRITING THIS. IT'S UNCLEAR WHAT SEASON IT'S APART OF OR WHAT EPISODE IT EVEN IS, BUT IT INVOLES DARLY BOXMAN AND THE TWO OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS, MIMLIMIM AND MILKPOOCH, ACCIDENTALLY LOCATING ZENDAMINA AND 'ONE OF THE SEVEN CONCRADUOUS TEMPLES' TO GET THE TREASURE THAT'S SUPPOSEDLY INSIDE. THEY MISTAKENLY ASSUME ITS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE, ONLY TO TRAVEL THERE AND 'DROWN' AS A RESULT JUST WATCH THE FUCKING VIDEO I PROMISE ITS FUNNY *TREMBLING AND HOLDING A GUNTO YOURHEAD*. AFTERWARD, THEY'RE SCOUTED BY HOB - A VAGUELY MYSTERIOUS GUY IN A KINDACLOAK.THING. - WHO TELLS THEM THAT THEY WERE JUST LOOKING IN THE WRONG LAKE. ONCE DARLY AND FRIENDS GET READY TO GO OVER THERE INSTEAD, THE EPISODE IS CUT SHORT WHEN HE TURNS AROUND IN THE ICONIC DARLY BOXCAR TO SEE... NOBODY. HIS COMPANIONS ARE GONE. WE'RE HIT WITH AN ICONIC 'TO BE CONTINUED' AND A STUPID LITTLE GREENSCREENED GIF OF DARLY DANCING.

NOW IM GNNA DIG JUST A LITTLE BIT DEEPER. THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EPISODE, NOT ONLY IS DARLY PORTRAYED AS PROGRESSIVELY MORE IRRITABLE, DERANGED AND OTHERWISE 'NOT MENTALLY SOUND', BUT THERE ARE SEVERAL STRANGE SCENES SPRINKLED IN THAT ARE DEFINITELY JARRING AND DISTURBING IN THE CONTEXT THAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE EXISTING IN. DARLY SUDDENLY LASHING OUT AND THROWING MILKPOOCH (WHILE ALSO VERY COMICAL), HIS SUDDEN TURN THAT 'KNOCKS' DOWN THE VISIBLE BACKGROUND AND REVEALS SEVERAL TOWERING FIGURES WATCHING HIM, THE CHARACTERS' FAUX DROWNING AND THE END WHEN DARLY TURNS AROUND TO AN EMPTY BACK SEAT ARE ALL THE EXAMPLES I CAN IDENTIFY OF WHAT EXACTLY IM TALKING ABOUT. WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION OF WHY ARE THESE HERE WHEN THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A KIDS SHOW?

PERSONALLY, MY WORKING THEORY IS THAT THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW WAS NOT *PRIMARILY* A CREATIVE ENDEAVOR. IT WAS NOT PRIMARILY A PASSION PROJECT OR THE BEGINNING OF A CAREER FOR DARLES NEMENI: IT WAS... A PORTAL, IN A WAY. A WAY TO COMMUNE WITH THE GODS THAT EXIST WITHIN PINK CITY AND STRIKE A BARGAIN WITH THEM. WHAT KIND OF BARGAIN, YOU ASK? I'D IMAGINE PROBABLY ONE FOR FAME. GOOSEWORX HAS STATED MULTIPLE TIMES THAT DARLES' ONLY SUCCESSFUL APPERANCE IN ANY KIND OF TELEVISED MEDIA WAS THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW, DESPITE THE FACT HE PROCLAIMS HE'S A CELEBRITY IN WHAT IS CURRENTLY THE ONLY PINK CITY COMIC. HE WAS A ONE-HIT WONDER, IF YOU WILL. AND THIS NATURALLY MAKES SENSE IN THE CONTEXT OF THE IDEA I'VE DEVELOPED BECAUSE ITS A MUTALISTIC RELATIONSHIP; DARLES IS ABLE TO CREATE THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW, AN INNER EXPLORATION OF HIS OWN PSYCHE AND EMOTIONS, WITH THE HELP OF THE GODS THEMSELVES *AND* RECIEVE THE FAME HE SO DESPERATELY WANTS, AND THE GODS RECIEVE AN OUTLET TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE PEOPLE OF PINK CITY. HENCE WHY DARLY BOXMAN WASN'T A CHILDREN'S SHOW FIRST AND FOREMOST.

HOWEVER, DARLES' DISAPPEARANCE REMAINS A MYSTERY. GOOSEWORX VAGUELY IMPLIES ON HER TUMBLR THAT HE'S BEEN TRAPPED AND IMPRISONED SOMEWHERE, BUT BY WHO? PROBABLY THOSE FUCKING GODS, HUH?

OBVIOUSLY THERE'S SOME MISSING CONTEXT HERE. FIRST OF ALL: WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT THE GODS? THERE'S A LITTLE BIT I CAN GATHER FROM ONE OF THE OTHER PINK CITY ANIMATIONS 'ELAIN GETS ADOPTED', IN WHICH THE TITULAR CHARACTER, ELAIN THE BOUNTY HUNTER, EXPERIENCES A PSYCHIC BREAK (VISION? AN ACTUAL SITUATION? ITS NOT VERY CLEAR, AND THAT'S ON PURPOSE) AFTER KILLING ONE OF HER TARGETS. SHE'S GREETED WITH SEVERAL PILLARS OF EYES THAT BARE A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO THE FIGURES SEEN IN THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE DARLY BOXMAN SHOW.

THEY'RE ADDRESSED IN THE CREDITS AS THE ELDERS OF THE LOST EYES (OR JUST THE ELDERS FOR SHORT), AND ARE WHAT I PRESUME TO BE THE PHYSICAL (?) MANIFESTATION OF PINK CITY'S HIGHER POWER. GOOSEWORX HERSELF ALSO ANSWERED WITH THE FOLLOWING WHEN ASKED ABOUT HOW/WHEN PINK CITY CITZENS 'DIE':

"[Pink City citizens] can also get squished, splattered, and chopped up as if they're made of clay, and can usually survive, unless the injuries are severe enough, or the Elders of Lost Eyes decide for their story to end."

WITH THIS INFORMATION, I CAN REASONABLY LABEL THEM AS A HIGHER POWER. HOWEVER, THE ANSWER ABOVE CREATES ANOTHER QUESTION WHICH I'M NOT QUITE SURE THE ANSWER TO. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID DARLES NEMENI DO THAT WAS APPARENTLY SO BAD, THAT HE'D BEEN *IMPRISONED* INSTEAD OF JUST KILLED???

...AND ALL THIS INFORMATION LEADS ME BACK TO THE SHOW ITSELF ONCE AGAIN. OF FUCKING *COURSE* A CARTOON THAT HAD BEEN BORN AS A RESULT OF ONE'S OWN GREED AND ENVY AS WELL AS TOXIC DEVOTION TO A CORRUPT GOD IS GONNA COME OUT FUCKED THE HELL UP, WITH THE ICHOR OF ITS OWN MAGLIGNANT PRODUCTION SEEPING INTO THE SHOW ITSELF. HENCE WHY ITS EXISTANCE ALMOST FEELS... RELIGIOUS IN NATURE, TO ME. IN AN UTTERLY FUCKED UP WAY. DEVOTION ITSELF CAN BE CORRUPT AND ITS EXISTANCE IN THE PINK CITY UNIVERSE IS CERTAINLY NO EXCEPTION. HELL, DARLY HIMSELF IS AN INHERENTLY UNHOLY SYMBOL TO ME. TIED PERMANATELY TO AN UNDOUBTEDLY IMMORAL RELIGIOUS PRACTICE AND THEREFORE EXISTS AS THE INVERSE OF WHAT A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL IS MEANT TO BE... IN SIMPLE TERMS: A FALLEN ANGEL, PERHAPS

AND AS THE ONLY GIRL WHO IS SO INCOMPREHENSIBLY FASCINATED BY THIS SHOW IN SUCH AN EERILY SPECIFIC MANNER, IT TOUCHES ME IN WAYS THAT OTHER MEDIA I CONSUME CAN'T. THAT WAS UNTIL I RECENTLY WATCHED ANGEL HARE. I THINK I'LL SAVE MY INTERPRETATIONS OF IT FOR ANOTHER WRITING, BUT THE BASE CONCEPT AND IDEA OF BOTH TDBMS AND ANGEL HARE ARE SO... SIMILAR TO ME. BUT, MOVING ON. DARLY BOXMAN ALMOST FEELS AKIN TO AN OLD CREEPYPASTA NOW THAT I'VE LIVED IN THIS UNIVERSE FOR SO LONG; A LOST TELEVISION PROGRAM 'FOR CHILDREN' THAT WAS ACTUALLY CREATED FOR ANOTHER, MORE GODLY PURPOSE THAT HAS HAD LIFE BREATHED INTO IT AS A RESULT. WHETHER OR NOT THAT LIFE IS DESIRED BY THE CHARACTERS WITHIN IS UP FOR DEBATE. AND, OH BOY, AM I IN LOVE WITH DARLY BOXMAN. NOT ONLY THE SHOW ITSELF, ITS INHERENTLY FUCKED CREATION AND ITS SINFUL CREATOR, BUT HIM. DARLY. HE IS THE CLOSEST I'LL EVER GET TO BEING RELIGIOUS. AND THE IMPLICATION FROM GOOSEWORX HERSELF THAT I MAY SOON MEET THE SAME FATE AS HIM IS ENOUGH TO MAKE A GIRL'S HEART THROB.